so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
