its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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