just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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