it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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