you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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