Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine

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(248): i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine http://tfl.nu/gbjn

Replies (4) Good night (1457) Bad night (592)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...

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(918): Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic... http://tfl.nu/yey5

Replies (88) Good night (10250) Bad night (1548)
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(314): View more from Missouri

Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl

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(314): Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl http://tfl.nu/2p2x

Replies (43) Good night (2841) Bad night (718)
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(404): View more from Georgia

"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?

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(404): "tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went? http://tfl.nu/cthr

Replies (16) Good night (1043) Bad night (7786)
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(530): View more from California

If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.

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(530): If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed. http://tfl.nu/4web

Replies (6) Good night (3301) Bad night (639)
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(216): View more from Ohio

It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

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(216): It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm. http://tfl.nu/14tt

Replies (23) Good night (3394) Bad night (766)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them

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(610): i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them http://tfl.nu/hras

Replies (41) Good night (4284) Bad night (1613)
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(650): View more from California

Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.

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(650): Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart. http://tfl.nu/8dw8

Replies (18) Good night (5413) Bad night (1345)
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(512): View more from Texas

They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?

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(512): They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true? http://tfl.nu/qtx2

Replies (13) Good night (2646) Bad night (1420)
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(601): View more from Mississippi

She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.

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(601): She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs. http://tfl.nu/rhuf

Replies (9) Good night (3746) Bad night (811)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"

(308): View more from Nebraska

Stop drinking at work.

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(402): I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit" (308): Stop drinking at work. http://tfl.nu/v2m5

Replies (8) Good night (3619) Bad night (957)
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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.

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(303): I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen. http://tfl.nu/li1t

Replies (4) Good night (2039) Bad night (592)
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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.

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(267): I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with. http://tfl.nu/vaw3

Replies (14) Good night (777) Bad night (859)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".

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(902): I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores". http://tfl.nu/4gk3

Replies (3) Good night (833) Bad night (470)
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(806): View more from Texas

Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.

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(806): Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom. http://tfl.nu/zajb

Replies (2) Good night (937) Bad night (304)

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