Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(707): View more from California

last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

My cha cha got a haircut

(724): View more from Pennsylvania

thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf

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(318): View more from Louisiana

What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?

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The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Read it at the TFLN blog
(919): View more from North Carolina

my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously

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(707): View more from California

The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.

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(323): View more from California

This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.

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(406): View more from Montana

Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila

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