He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.