she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked