i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
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a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.