Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
