the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
