Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
well you can't waste a boner
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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