i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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