Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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