I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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