Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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