i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
