if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
