I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
