Girls should come with a carfax report
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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