I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
