Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize