I want to make a zoo with you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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