It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
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I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
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I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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