so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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