all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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