I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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