everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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