Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
