I wanna bring you to show and tell
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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