Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
