That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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