...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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