I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
