i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
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I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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