If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
