Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
