are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
