She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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