i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
