They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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