I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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