Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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