i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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