Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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