I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize