1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
