I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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