just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
