It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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