found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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