she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
