It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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