It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
