Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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