i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
