You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
