While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I want to be your penis for a week.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Randomize
