I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
