it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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