Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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