was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
