Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
