You work out of a Hotel?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
