i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
