My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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