This is not my ceiling
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Houston, we have a blender
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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