last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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