in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
