I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Will you blow on my dice?
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
