if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
