y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I look better un-naked...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
