I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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