Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
should my penis look like a turkey
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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