I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
