Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
