Me too!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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