please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize