When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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