i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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