I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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