her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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