This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Alive.
So much puke
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
