oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
